My Starry starry Night
70
I've always loved Don McLean's song "Vincent Starry starry Night" as I listened to it over and over again, so much of me I felt between his words. I felt the loss, security, hope and a future with my children in my life. I wept as I listened and it moved me to compose the following piece. I hope it moves some of you and helps you understand a little more about me and my life. I miss my children terribly and it's been so long without them now in my life I feel isolated and alone. What could have been, really should have been a closeness between us. They are my kin, my blood and I pray I see and talk to them again at least once more before I leave this realm.
Vincent
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My palette turned to ice
my world shattered on that
night of darkness when my
soul was tortured so.
What was once a happy
loving home filled with sketches
of my life with cribs and
cradle rocking blue
eyes and blond curly hair
babies just wanting the love from
their daddy Vincent in their snowy
linen land of fairy dust and sucking
soothers held tightly
in their tiny little hands.
Oh I cry for not trying to understand
and thus I suffered in my quietude
and questioned my sanity time and
time again.
What was I doing? trying to set them
free from what?
I would not listen and they surely
did not know that their daddy and
mommy were saying goodbye.
Oh starry starry night why did you
let me leave was it your delight to
see me take flight from a home
filled with love from babies for
their daddy Vincent
The colors in their rooms shades
of yellow pink and blues turned
mine to black and grey forevermore
and still I cry at night and see their
cherub faces crying as I leave
without saying goodnight.and
walking away from their world.
Now this weathered tired face is
lined in pain the only
color left in me is black to ink
my past life that could have
been and should have been
a palette painted with colors
of the rainbow given me that
faded as I walked away
never to return leaving my life
my babies without their daddy
in their lives.
They grew and could not love
me yet my love stayed true for
them from a distance I did see
them grow into children
teens and adults
I still had hope that they
would forgive me for leaving
them so long ago but
what was planted in their
young minds sustained them
with the hatred for their daddy
throughout all time.
I tried to take my life one night
when Jack was my co-pilot but
like a coward he pulled the steering
wheel back over the line it was
not my time.
I heard a whisper from a voice so still
saying Vincent do not kill yourself
there is something yet for you to fulfill
this world was meant for one
as passionate as you
and so I wept and pulled the car
over and poured Jack out the
door forevermore.
Starry, starry night I look at their
portraits in my albums still and
tears well up as emptiness fills my
soul and dark are my walls
that surround me in my living hell.
Ragged is my spirit but kindness is
my pill to instill upon the love of words
that my Muse keeps feeding me still
to ink and share with others who will
read between Vincent's lines
of life and insanity that haunts him
like that silver thorn of bloody rose
I crushed and left so long ago.
My prayer is that they will someday
listen to their daddy a poet who
took the name of Vincent in memory
of a man who gave his ear so
they would listen as his color
painted hues and daffodils filled his
fields of sunflowers by his sad
and lonely road. or perhaps they
never will.
Yet in the distance I hear my
babies crying for their daddy
still and one day if granted my
wish will be fulfilled before my
last breath is taken from me they
will be by my side holding my
poet hand as I scribe my
last two words I'm sorry and my
Quill flutters gently to the floor.
© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Moore. All rights reserved
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This is so beautiful ~ sad and beautiful ~ I am impressed with how you integrated this classic song as well. the song is one of my favorites. This poem however is a work of art in it's own right. Such heart and felling and emotion. One day your children will read this and be so proud of their dad.
Exquisitely rendered poem that cuts the reader to the bone, not only for your sadness at the estrangement from your children, but for their own loss of a father who loves them so. I pray they each, one by one, seek you out one day for the reunion you so desire and that they come to know and love your poet's soul while you are still here for them.
Ohh my , sad and heartwrenching Mr.Vincent,saddlerider, beautifully deep and stirring of the soul. And even sadder that one day , if too late , they will miss out on a very wonderful meeting ,a very lovely man and a very awesome poet. You have a beautiful heart . Bravo , hats off to you my dear friend ! :) voted up and all the way , cept funny ,because it is not.
Gosh, that was painful to read. So sad, poignant, and beautiful. The words of your poem, the story it told, along with the song (which I've always loved), brought tears to my eyes as I felt that terrible pain you expressed. I pray with all my heart that your children do come to you one day while there is still life. Ah, so sorry for your pain. Whatever happened in the past with the kids' mother, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. You're a great man, and I hope your children see that one day. Perhaps your poetry will reach them somewhere, as it can really reach deep into a person's soul. Bless you, friend.
I read this Ken as soon as you posted but could not write for the tears. I felt your heart as the words poured from your hand. I stand today with you, believing that one day your children will be restored to their wonderful father. I pray somehow they see this. You are so gifted and this will touch many who has gone or going through this pain. My heart goes out to you and bless you for sharing this tonight, I know it was not easy. I pray it brought a renewed strength to your soul as you wrote the words down.
God bless you and your children.
Love,
Sunnie
Made me cry a little. You take your life experiences and they have made a beautiful tapestry as you've poured out what you have to share. It is this that is so beautiful, don't forget that :)
As a parent, I feel your pain. I can't imagine not having my children with me. This was beautiful in every way.
Wow, that was beautiful. Well written and filled with passion. This has to be one of the most complete pieces I've had the pleasure of reading here on hubpages. I am sorry and empathize with you. I've had misfortune in this area as well and regret not being in my child's life as much as I would like, but I am thankful to be in her life as much as I am. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will have an established relationship with your children in the near future.
Your poem has touch me sir. Thank you
Beautiful and touching poem. I believe someday your children will read it and all the others you write. They will come to understand their dad's love for them as well as his aloneness.
Dearest Ken,
This tender, beautiful song will forever have new meaning for me. Your words are heartwrenching and poignant.
I pray and believe with all of my heart that your children will one day see the beautiful and kind man that we all know and love. I am eternally grateful you placed Jack on the side of the road forever.
Be at peace with yourself, Maria
you must be very sad, not seeing them, not touching them...i feel your sorrow Vincent...I too have been separated with my 2 children...those nights were too terrible for me...i cried my heart out...but this is your emotion, i can only share it with you...
try forgiving yourself for leaving them, so you can be healed from guilt you've been carrying...just think they're in safe hands...there are things we can't take back no matter how hard we try...
Heartwrnching words, you have poured out your soul onto paper.
I feel your pain Ken and hear the tears. But no matter what they think or say I know the seed of love is still in their hearts for their Daddy. Do not accept that they are lost forever, I truly believe that as the get older they will want to seek you out and renew that special bond. Keep hope in your heart dear friend
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Ken,
I understand this was rendered out of agony.
I'm so sorry you feel alone, but if you look up, you'll see that you aren't alone at all.
People hear you. People care. I'd bet my laptop and all my techno-gadgets that Sunnie Day never signs off, "Love, Sunnie" unless she means it.
She echoed the sentiments of so many here who appreciate your work, and the man behind it, and understand the pain of the past that's brought you to where you are today.
What you were back then, you aren't now. You've grown, you've changed, and you've developed into someone beautiful. I believe that's exactly how you started out in this world before things went haywire.
I'll join the others who are praying the relationship with your children is healed and made brand new.
I loved so many of the comments, but what Rosemay added stands out the most, "Do not accept that they are lost forever ... "
Key words, of course, being "Do not accept ... "
If you don't accept it and will hold on for a happy outcome, so will we.
Prayers and hope coming your way,
femme
My Dearest Ken, we have spoken about this before, you and I. Who are we but mere goldfish in a pond full of piranha? We travel but once on this road of life, and we try to do our best. Circumstances dictate our fate and sometimes we are carried along regardless. Your children know you are there, they are so lucky to know that. My biological birth father never was, and never will, be as in all probability he has passed away now. Your words of honesty and pain, stand you in the awesome place in their hearts. Time will tell, and when they are older and ready to approach on their free will, life may yet surprise you, as I hope it does. Don't ever change my friend, for the truth will stand proud. xx
Profoundly sad but beautifully written. I can only imagine the pain.. God bless and Shalom!
This was awesome, beautiful. sad and heart-renching. Hope it all works out for you and your children. God bless you all.
Give each of them a copy of this writing, maybe in a frame and sign it Daddy. It will probably go on their walls. A daily reminder that to forgive is divine.
Never ceases to amaze me how sadness can produce such beauty. This is amazing.
Morning Ken.
It's almost 30 years ago the very same thing happened.
The reasons are more than likely different but the end result the same.
I had a store selling alcohol and worked the store myself and after a lot of problems decided that was it, I'd had enough heart ache.
There's a lot more to the story than me just not going back home. But as I say the end result was I'd lost my family and children. They also had their minds poisoned against me. I even thought about taking my own life but as it sometimes is a friend of mine phoned and realised something was wrong and came by real fast, thank god.
I'm lucky as my kids didn't get on with the new man in the house and soon got their own places and we now have a wonderful relationship, be it on the phone or on "Skype" with a video chat.
My heart goes out to you as I've been down the same road but with a more friendly ending as yours.
Take care my friend.
LOL Ghaelach
It breaks my heart to read the pain and sadness in your heart. I had to leave and come back to your hub before I could comment as your words overwhelmed me. Never give up hope on seeing your children. I pray someday that they will seek you out. Sending a big bear hug your way.
I am simply overwhelmed by all your comments, the beauty, caring and tenderness bestowed on me regarding this Hub. I had no intent to expose my feelings until I listened to Vincent and the words just flowed.
For some of you wondering why the break up of my home, it had absolutely nothing to do with our beautiful children. Their mother and I had hit a serious cross roads in our relationship, almost to the point of a fatal attraction, and kinda like the movie " War of the Roses, with Michael Douglas and Katherine Turner.
As hard as we tried we could not turn it around. And the most difficult day in my life appeared when I had no other choice but to leave the home with a broken heart. Little did I know that my future with my children would be destroyed as well. I did however keep the love of my youngest son, he stood by me and till this day he is still speaking to me and seeing me.
The other 3 were poisoned and divorced from me by their mother. So these things happen and both their mother and I became victims of a nasty, costly and very angry divorce. It's been 13 years now and I've had to cease any emails coming from her to me. I wrote this piece knowing very well that she may read it and criticize me for it, as everything I write in the Hubs is being scrutinized by her.She does not believe it is me writing as I never wrote while married to her, I only took it up 21 months ago.
Yet it does not stop me from scribing from my soul, that's one thing she can't take away from me. So I just wanted to clear the air a little, the Vincent you've all come to know is physically well, yet mentally unstable at times from the past long before my divorce 13 yrs ago and then the divorce and loss of my children.
It's been a rough ride, but I've survived it so far. It's the encouragement and inspiration from all of you that keep me sane and writing. I hope to scribe for some time to come but at times I have my break downs and go hide in my cave and reappear with something new or old to scribe.
My Muse stays by me through thick and thin and I am thankful for that, for without him in my life. I know now that I would end it. Peace and blessings to you all, thank you for your support and continuing to accept me the way I am. Humbly yours and honored to be part of the Hubs.
Ken, hunnie, my heart goes out to you. I am sending you huge hugs and when you feel so low, I am the comfort blanket that keeps you warm. When you want to cry, I am the comforting cup of hot chocolate to wipe away your tears, and in return, you are my inspiration and belief that there is good men in this world. :)
It's a Sad, Beautiful and most Poignant read Ken. It's Never to late in Life to make amens...Maybe that naive thinking on my part. Kids do grow up and start to see things differently even when someone such as your Ex has done what she's done in Poisoning their minds...
This is so, so sad yet immensely beautiful. As always you pour your out through your wonderful words. Your daughter is indeed beautiful and why wouldn't she be with such a genuine, sincere, loving, wonderful father. Your writing, your thoughts, your amazing poetry and the wonderful choice of song show me what a wonderful, loving and unique person you are. Things do happen in this world for a reason and you know in your heart that you are truly loved, especially by me here on HubPages. Love Acaetnna xxx
Oh Ken, If i had the power, you would be held by your children, each telling you how very much they loved and missed you.. This is so beautiful..Thank you...
Saddle, you know my heart goes out to you and I pray that your wish will be fulfilled LONG before "your last breath is taken from you."
Thirteen years! Exactly how hard, revengeful and merciless must a woman be to keep her children for so long away from their father, and how much hatred is planted in children to make them ignore their father for so long? How can anyone live with such an unforgiving spirit?
I hope we will soon have the privilege to share your day of reconciliation with your children.
Hugs galore going your way...
Beautiful... I'm speechless, sorry. I love that song of Don and I loved your song.
As young men without any kind of example to carry forward we are prone to make terrible mistakes. You have the picture in your heart of your beautiful home. The two edge sword will cut you to ribbons. Set the sword down.
I am crying..this breaks mmy heart..and I know your heart has a neverending hurt....you really touched me with everything you said...I pray for blessing and peace to you and that you will come to know your children...debbie
.....well Ken - that is such a beautiful song you chose and I am here to sit and read and be in awe once again of your magnificent poetry and your pure heart - also this is a shout out for your love and support in my life through thick and through thin - you have been a true friend to me (and to so many others too who are are blessed) and a first class gentleman too.
You truly are a legend as I always tell everyone wherever I go ...
lake erie time ontario canada 2:59pm rain turning to snow overnight - the proverbial bubble has burst and it's a return to winter once again
....and oh yes .... look to my Facebook page and you will see something familiar to you ......
For a mother to instill bitterness in the hearts of her children against their father is not love. It grieves me to see you in this pain, Ken. Please know that someday, your children will find their way to you. I am certain of this. As Mike said above, “You have the picture in your heart…” Van Gogh painted “Starry Night” from memory. This picture in your heart -- like Vincent’s brilliant painting, Don’s enduring words, and your superb, masterful poetry -- will not go unseen, unheard, or unfelt. It simply isn’t possible. Sending peace and love your way....Genna.
@thebluestar,@b.Malin,@Acaetnna,@alwaysexploring,@Martie
@silenthurricane,@Mcbirdbks,@DeborahBrooks,@Epigramman,
@GennaEast.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. The dye was cast 13 yrs ago and I've lived without my children in my life since then. I truly hope and pray that my children will find their way to me. The more I write, the more I hope that they will one day stumble into the Hubs and check out this poet, their father. I write with them in mind, hoping that they really see who their daddy is between the lines. Genna I hope your right that my work won't go unseen, unheard, or unfelt. I thank you all and send you my blessings for leaving me your moving comments above.
everyone makes mistakes my friend. I found this poem lovely!
We sure do PDX, I just wish their mother and I could have found a better way, but sometimes there is no better way when it comes to an impossible situation.
Your children will find a way to you Saddlewriter. You are a truly remarkable man and one day your children will be reunited with you and realise what an amazing father you are. Trust me, I know. You are a very special person. Love Acaetnna xx
O Ken, such heartache and regret in your words. So many of us who write use past pain to lay the letters on the page in an effort to erase the mistakes we've made, the losses we have suffered. Whatever you were or weren't to your children, that was in the past. It's over. The present has not happened yet, so all we have is right now. Your children would do well to remember not to judge, lest they be judged. They are the ones missing out on knowing you. You are a survivor. Hugs.
PDXK Yes we do my friend, forgiveness is important to.
@acaetnna thank you for your always loving kind words, you make me feel so good after reading your comments. I pray my children do come back into my life before my life is over here, but only God knows and will grant it in time if it be so.
@ExoticHippieQueen. Yes the pain comes to the surface in my scribes, I lay my words down hard and heavy at times and with a very sad heart and empty soul. I try to move on with the hopes that one day my children will come back, even for a short while to talk to me. Right now they choose to keep their distance and have done so for years, it's a mystery to me. They simply listened to their mother and never ever once asked my opinion, they simply just stopped seeing or talking to me like I don't exist. How can a person do that to another human being, especially without any real cause? Blows my mind. Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated as always my fine poet.
My first husband walked away from his only son, my child when he was 2, and did not have any contact with him again until I contacted him when our son was 17. Another situation where you say, how can someone do that to their own blood?
EHQ, it happens far to often I'm afraid. My dad left me when I was 10 and I never saw him again until I was 23. It's been years now since I've seen or spoken to 3 of my 4 children. I've been tight with my youngest son who is turning 18 this year. He doesn't have much time for me now as busy with school, work and tons of friends and I understand, but at least he stood me his dad and the other kids know it but don't seem to care.
Ragged is my spirit but kindness is
my pill to instill upon the love of words
that my Muse keeps feeding me still
to ink and share with others who will
read between Vincent's lines
of life and insanity that haunts him
like that silver thorn of bloody rose
I crushed and left so long ago.
Those words are haunting indeed. They sound so much like the way I think. I think that you have been through much of the same inner turmoil as what I go through, though I'm sure you've been through so much more. I see and feel it in the way you write at times. You write with incredible force, raw and real.
Beautiful and very emotional; a brilliant poem which I award that up up and away.
Here's to so many more to share on here.
Take care and enjoy your day.
Eddy.
I like the way you intertwined the lyrics of this truly lovely song into and around your own personal and emotional saga. It is very difficult to tread the fine line between plagiarism and parallels of another piece of art, a you have managed it well… exceedingly well.
You entered an emotional stream and yet avoided it becoming maudlin.
Well done.
Ben thank you for your observations. Yes indeed my friend my life has been tested,hardened and softened all in one. I write from my soul and I guess this is what comes forth, only my Muse knows why I write the way I do, I just accept his guidance. You keep writing, you have the gift.
@Eiddwen, thank you for your accolade and nice words, I appreciate them very much. You to take care and have a nice day.
@Twilight Lawns, Thank you very much for your words, this musician is a friend and I wanted to expose his work to my hub page followers. Using his Utube video, listening to his lyrics, I was able to come up with the piece I wrote to help compliment his. I am happy with the results.
vincent, one of the reasons I don't want children is because I'm worried about the mistakes I might make with them. kids aren't as resilient as one might think...
This didn´t bring a tear to my eyes, it has me sobbing.
......and pored Jack out of the door forevermore,...... just cut me like a knife. Your story is so similar to my eldest , my gentle son whose children only know Mums´version of daddy doesn´t care, or he´d be here.
Oh I loved this so much but can´t get my sons´sorrows, like yours out of my mind.
Still, the good news is you both said goodbye to Jack, otherwise maybe neither of you would be alive now.
I wonderf if others may read your beautiful poem and also identify with it. I hope they can take some comfort from it as I have despite my tears.
Thank you, thank you.
PDX My friend that is a choice that only you can make, they are rsilient, how much is the question? I know mine are so resilient that they chose to walk out of my life for good. Peace and blessings my scribe.
@Dim Yes indeed going through my divorce back 13 yrs ago and the loss of my children by the tongue of a vindictive and mean ex, Mr Jack became my best friend and comforter. I was able to put it down and I drink only wine and very much in moderation now. I am sorry to make you cry, but happy to read that it gave you some comfort my friend. Hugs from me to you.
vincent, I hope the relationship with you and your children is someday restored. Thanks for sharing your heart
Yes I hope so to, thank you for your comment.Have a great day my friend.
you too. By the way, i had a dream that I found my birth certificate and discovered that my given name was "Vincent Ryan Moore"
I wonder if we are related? LoL we may be twins.
could be... perhaps separated by age and nationality, but, twins is perhaps a possibility
Sunshine625 Level 8 Commenter 4 months ago
I hope by creating this poem you feel a bit better and the guilt has possibly eased a tad. I'm thinking I'm probably wrong and it's just wishful thinking. Thank you for sharing...I felt your words.